Mohawk Madness.

Has anybody else noticed the stunning increase in Mohawks amongst our footballers? Almost every team has at least one poser with the not-since-Beckham-did-it-in 2000-has-it-been-popular hairstyle.

And you know where they’ve got this from? Glee, that’s where. Footballers all over the country have been sat at home watching the High School Musical spin off and have had the original thought; that fella looks pretty darned good with a mohawk. The next day they pop down the hairdresser and BOOM, they have themselves what they believe to be a landmark haircut. Then they notice three of their team-mates and one of the Youth Team kids have got it as well and they grow it out. It’s a mine field out there for our poor footballers.

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Short But True

The Goalkeeping coach at Wolverhampton Wanderers is called Pat Mountain. Honestly. That is all.

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5-a-Side Football

Growing up, I wanted nothing more than to be a professional footballer. The only problem was that despite playing with my mates over the local field every night after school and every weekend, I wasn’t that good!

As and adult I have finally excepted that my dream is never going to happen and have settled for the next best thing – 5-a-side! Only problem is I’m still not that good. So far this season we have had some terrible results 18-1, 23-2, 16-4 and 12-1 – I kid you not. Our only points so far have come from the 2 weeks when the other team have failed to show up and we have been credited a 5-0 win (I have claimed all these goals making me the teams top scorer).

Last week however it seemed our fortunes had changed – With 5 minutes left on the clock we were winning 4-3. The final result was still a 5-4 loss but it didn’t matter. For the first time all season we looked as though we had actually played football before – Brilliant! We couldn’t resist going out to celebrate – Just for a laugh though we told Dave it was fancy dress and he turned up as Spiderman – A good night was had by all as you can see from the photo below;

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Is football easier these days?

Back in the olden days, footballers had to be hard – Take the ball for example – It was carved from solid oak, weighed 3 stone and kicking it would result in a broken foot for most, but our olden day footballers were solid and were still able to kick and even head that bad boy around for 90 minutes without so much as a scratch. These days the balls are specially designed so that they are able to weigh in at around 3-4 grams, they can be kicked for up to 3 miles with minimal effort and they swing in the air with the slightest bit of curl applied – mind you looks like it still hurts if it hits you in the face.

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Have Utd Missed Ronaldo This Season?

Well if this photo is anything to go by, Rooney has certain missed the service he used to provide.

In a recent interview, former rent boy, Cristiano was quoted as saying “In my younger days I used to make a fortune gratifying tubby balding men – Then I discovered I could make even more money playing with balls. It was shortly after this I discovered my footballing talent”

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There’s No De-Nile-ing It

Not gay

A pretty good run out – all in all – saw England beat a spunky Egyptian team last night 3-1;

Peter Crouch maintained his prolific England goalscoring record as they came from behind to beat Egypt at Wembley.

The visitors rocked England when Mohamed Zidan cashed in on Matthew Upson’s slip to give them the lead their early ambition merited – but Fabio Capello’s side responded in style after the break to run out deserved winners.

That’s right. The only people left annoyed at the end of the evening were Theo Walcott (after a terrible game), Wes Brown (after a terrible game) and Journalist’s the world over who couldn’t use many of the Egypt puns they had lined up if England failed to win. “England In De-Nile”, “Pharaoh-No!”, “England’s Pyramid Scheme Gone Wrong” or some things like that.

But all in all a good bit of practice for the players against a decent slice of African opposition. So, I guess that’s all then… you have yourself a good day… weather’s pretty nice today actually… OK! Who am I kidding?! This whole article was just an excuse to share THIS link to a film trailer I found for Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter! Words cannot explain my excitement about this one. You really can’t have too many Vampire-related films. I think it’ll be even better than that one about a monkey who’s really a secret agent. I really do. And it’s probably a little bit football related because Jesus was born in Egypt. For realsies. I read it somewhere.

It was only a matter of time

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At Last! Stability!

Warnock meets the press

The managers QPR have had to sack to gain some stability! It’s crazy! But they have finally hit upon a plan for – what looks like at least – steadily moving forward. And with one of the best young managers around, BBC Sport tell us;

QPR have appointed Neil Warnock as their fifth manager of the season on a three-and-a-half-year after agreeing compensation with Crystal Palace.

Warnock, 61, replaces caretaker boss Mick Harford and brings assistant boss Mick Jones and first-team coach Keith Curle with him across London.

“This is the perfect time to come in, with the new chairman and structure in place,” he told QPR’s website.

“Together we can give the club the stability it needs.”

He added: “As a manager, Loftus Road is always a place I love because of the fantastic atmosphere there.”

Quite right Mr W. But he’s not the fifth manager of the season. That’s just press talk to make things sound sexier. Like an episode of Dallas or something. He’s QPR’s third full time manager of the season and you shouldn’t go counting caretaker managers who take charge whilst a full time manager is found. The past tense is crucial here. It’s all change now.  No more Briatore, no more constant sackings.

So that’s it. We can leave Rangers to a safe mid-table finish this season and push for promotion next season with lots of Crystal Palace players that just so happen to pop across London (hello to you Mr Clyne, Danns and Ambrose). And in no way shall we concern ourselves with the very difficult fixtures to come (hello to you on Saturday West Brom) and the ghost of player-power that saw out two of those previous permanent  managers. All plain sailing now I tells ya!

(no reason)

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Handshakes More Interesting Than Football

It’s true. Our friends at Goal.com report;

John Terry reached a milestone this afternoon. The Chelsea captain secured his 300th Premier League appearance against Manchester City at Stamford Bridge, yet neither on an individual nor a team level was the end result a reason for cheer.

An erring display followed the drama of Wayne Bridge purposefully ignoring Terry’s offer of a handshake pre-game – with the world watching, no less – and the Blues were unable to increase their lead at the top of the league thanks entirely to an inspired 4-2 win for City at Stamford Bridge.

I think we should just do the handshake and then everyone can go home. Why even bother with the football bit? How we work out which team won is a little more complicated. Maybe the first player to pull out of the handshakes and put his thumb to his nose and waggle his fingers wins. A bit like rock. paper, scissors but with hands. I should have thought this through a little more but it’s a solid idea.

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